things
Something interesting, and relatively obvious occurred to me the other morning. I have 'things'. A series of 'personality things' about myself that I don't necassarily believe exist. They are facts of my personality, or moreso my mood, that other people notice but I may not. I know these 'things' or habits, or perhaps pre-sets, pop up and occur, but I usually prefer to ignore them- i think like most other people would do. It's like when your brain goes on auto-pilot i think. I notice other people's 'things' all the time. Little patterns or idiosyncrasies that they revert to in certain situations, or conversations or in general.
I'm not talking about like the 'I'm not comfortable talking about this' face, or the 'get me out of here' face that most people have. I mean like personality programs. My girlfriend has pointed out one of mine frequently and I always just kind of get angrier, because I am intrenched in that mode and unable to compute the sensible advice she was sharing- which is usually to calm the fuck down.
An Example- When I'm driving somewhere in a hurry, or trying to park close to an entrance at a mall, I get abusive in my language and call most people 'Fucking assholes', whether they are anywhere near me or not. Usually I say stuff like 'What the fuck is your problem, granny?'.. if a woman over the age of 40 is walking by.. or something worse. 'Jeeessus Christ. What the fuck ARE YOU DOING?!" as though the 4 seconds Ive spent waiting really means a goddamn thing. IN retrospect I do some pretty hilarious cursing in these moments.
Last time it happened, trying to park the car at a busy mall, I was able to reach through it and grab control of my gf's suggestion to calm down. I dont know where the burning hate comes from, but its my immediate reaction in that situation. Perhaps my father reacted that way when I was a kid and his frustration with humans in cars has been genetically programmed and reinforced in me. Maybe I just need to relax. I think that's probably it. Getting worked up is such a normal reaction- but such a waste of energy so I'm sure if that really even qualifies as a 'thing'.
I wonder though.
If I can tell that someone else is ignoring their 'thing'- should I 'out' their 'thing' to them? Should I be trying to do that? Would everyone be better off if others helped them to realize these things about themselves? Might just lead to more frustration. Might save the world.
I am looking forward to a new pace of living. Off to Timmins!
weird blog, man.
I'm not talking about like the 'I'm not comfortable talking about this' face, or the 'get me out of here' face that most people have. I mean like personality programs. My girlfriend has pointed out one of mine frequently and I always just kind of get angrier, because I am intrenched in that mode and unable to compute the sensible advice she was sharing- which is usually to calm the fuck down.
An Example- When I'm driving somewhere in a hurry, or trying to park close to an entrance at a mall, I get abusive in my language and call most people 'Fucking assholes', whether they are anywhere near me or not. Usually I say stuff like 'What the fuck is your problem, granny?'.. if a woman over the age of 40 is walking by.. or something worse. 'Jeeessus Christ. What the fuck ARE YOU DOING?!" as though the 4 seconds Ive spent waiting really means a goddamn thing. IN retrospect I do some pretty hilarious cursing in these moments.
Last time it happened, trying to park the car at a busy mall, I was able to reach through it and grab control of my gf's suggestion to calm down. I dont know where the burning hate comes from, but its my immediate reaction in that situation. Perhaps my father reacted that way when I was a kid and his frustration with humans in cars has been genetically programmed and reinforced in me. Maybe I just need to relax. I think that's probably it. Getting worked up is such a normal reaction- but such a waste of energy so I'm sure if that really even qualifies as a 'thing'.
I wonder though.
If I can tell that someone else is ignoring their 'thing'- should I 'out' their 'thing' to them? Should I be trying to do that? Would everyone be better off if others helped them to realize these things about themselves? Might just lead to more frustration. Might save the world.
I am looking forward to a new pace of living. Off to Timmins!
weird blog, man.
posted by Jay at Thursday, August 24, 2006
1 Comments:
If you ever notice my thing hanging out, whether i'm angry or not, i hope you'd say something, Boycat.
Post a Comment
<< Home