Thoughts on Frank D'Angelo..
I have a T.V. enemy- his name is Frank D'Angelo.
Frank's projected image is that of a gentleman philanthropist, enthused by music, sport and drink. Just a regular, nice, rich guy. A cross between Bruce Wayne, Wayne Gretzky and perhaps with a bit of half-retarded Ray Romano thrown in there too. IN reality- he is a douchebag. He arouses disdain in me, comparable only to the painful raw chafing of summer's first crotch rotch. If only I could extinguish him as easily as Gold Bond wipes out the crunch.
As president and C.E.O of Toronto's Steelback Brewery as well as part owner of the Toronto Argonauts, Franky has made a vast fortune, in Canadian terms. Although his businesses are in Toronto, he seems to be increasingly interested in Ottawa. Maybe its the cheaper T.V. advertising rates..But he is even considering buying Ottawa's flailing CFL franchise and renaming them- The Ottawa Steelbacks. *shudder*
Anyway, it appears (through his press releases) that he has generously parlayed his successful businessman ways into charity by helping important organizations such as CHEO, the Breast Cancer Society of Ontario and the Special Olympics with charitable ventures.. Charity is a beautiful, self-less thing, isnt it? Isnt it supposed to be?
I have noticed that these charity ventures Frank has produced, seem to be created for Frank's own self-promotion. Ego-inflating reasons, perhaps? I'm not sure. Hungry for more power and respect? probably. He's like the Ern McCracken of Ontario.
To illustrate- for his first round of charity, (Breast Cancer).. He assembled a band (which he cleverly named 'The Steelback 2-4' available to be booked for large parties, btw) and recorded Motown classics, 'My Girl' and 'Stand by me'- (um-- why?).. He paid some unfortunate producer to create a 2 minute promotional video commercial of the band, and mostly himself really, in studio, recording these tracks.. These spots feature Frank belting out these classics tunes with mediocre voicings, but top notch dramatic expression and the rehearsed flair of a more Italian looking Frank Sinatra with immaculate hairplugs. There is a clip of the band performing on a big stage too, with lots of on-lookers, looking on. Tell tale glimpses from the band meant for watching musicians, quietly celebrating a large pay cheque. At the end of the ad, it says you can buy the recorded version on disc for 5.00$ and all proceeds go to the charity. Not a bad way for a millionaire to make himself a rockstar- real quick like. Invent a band. release songs the whole world knows and tell them all the money (a measly 5.00) goes directly to charity.. along the way cash in on a little new fame, and collect a whackload of tax receipts to ofset the cost of the video...
These "video" ads originally aired 3 or 4 times a night during the shows that I would usually watch regularly on T.V. at the time- The Daily Show, and Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Late night, cheap airtime I guess.. I grew to hate his feel good charity-aimed self-stroke. I hated that he had graphics at the beginning and end of the video like a real video, artist: Frank D'Angelo and the Steelback 2-4. song: My Girl. Moreso, I hated the shots of him goofing around in the studio, just spinning and looking so happy to be singing in a studio. No real musician has the inclination to be that gleeful..
Time passed, the videos seemed to fade away and I thought I was in the clear. Wrong.. The next venture, another music video, charity single, of Frank and the band recording/ preforming Trooper's 'Here for a Good Time".. great. Equally unintersting, unacceptable and unoriginal version of the song. This one featured more live shots, with clapping senior citizens. Which led me to believe they were actually hooking up gigs with this scam..
I started to see the old ads again. Then all of a sudden, I saw an ad for 'Steelback'. It featured a dozen or so hockey hall of famers sitting around a locker room talking about the good old days or something.. Someone pipes up, not sounding as stoic or wise as the rest. What a minute!?! That guy in the goalie gear isnt an NHLer... its fucking Frank D'Angelo dressed up like an allstar goalie. He's set up a charity all star hockey game/fantasy hockey camp, where he gets to play nets?!?! And after the game he gets to hang out with his hockey heros and then had them make an ad for his crappy beer. and bloated ego. Fuck..
A few weeks ago, I saw a new "Steelback" commercial. Advertising his new extra-large king cans of beer.. the scene: a busy bar. Camera shows a hot girl waiting at a bar, shifting her cleavage.. she gets the bartenders attention and asks for 'the big one'.. she looks shocked, suprised and excited all at once. The camera cuts to the bartenders tight leather pants.. it pans up and the bartender is Frank! He is more than happy to give her 'the big one'. As he hands her a super sized can of the newest Steelback swill. This is where I realized he is also more than likely getting lots of pussy out all this.
Last but not least. His new scam: Straight Talk w/Frank D'Angelo.. This is a fake 60 second commercial spot where he makes a joke and sells his product in the process. The last one I saw, his fake guest is everyone's favvourite disgraced Canadian sprinter, Ben Johnson. Looking like he has spent the last 2 years binging on meth amphetamine, Ben must've really needed the money. Sitting in the 'host's' chair, Frank says (to the camera): "here on straight talk, we always have straight talk- you know? We talk about what people want to know.. so Ben, I gotta ask you.. when you run, do you Cheetah? (fake gasps from the crowd).. Ben: (pretends to look shocked for 2 seconds, then enthusiastically says:) Yes- I always Cheetah before I sprint!! he lifts a kingcan of Frank's new energy drink 'Cheetah'. wow, what a hilarious play on words. I wonder how bad things have gotten for Ben- cause they must be pretty tough to put up with this fucking asshole on National T.V.. The ad pans out with another shot of Ben, looking even more ashamed than his Olympic hearings. Not only is this ad in bad taste, it reveals the fact that Steelback has started to produce super-sized energy drinks. Targeting youth? GREAT!! I can picture Frank talking to his 'board of directors'. "we gotta get'em younger, boys!"... I wonder if the special energy producing ingredient is a drop of Frank's ballsweat? Or a whiff of his essence of manhood?
When will you have had enough Frank? When will you leave me alone? When will you give me job playing drums in your band- so I can see what really happens behind the 40 foot Steelback banner that flanks you at every show.. I bet its a fucked up scene.
Edit- check out ALL of said T.V. spots and decide for yourself:
steelbackbrewery.com/tvspots.asp
There are a bunch more than the ones I've seen, but I'm sure they are all obnoxious in some way.
Frank's projected image is that of a gentleman philanthropist, enthused by music, sport and drink. Just a regular, nice, rich guy. A cross between Bruce Wayne, Wayne Gretzky and perhaps with a bit of half-retarded Ray Romano thrown in there too. IN reality- he is a douchebag. He arouses disdain in me, comparable only to the painful raw chafing of summer's first crotch rotch. If only I could extinguish him as easily as Gold Bond wipes out the crunch.
As president and C.E.O of Toronto's Steelback Brewery as well as part owner of the Toronto Argonauts, Franky has made a vast fortune, in Canadian terms. Although his businesses are in Toronto, he seems to be increasingly interested in Ottawa. Maybe its the cheaper T.V. advertising rates..But he is even considering buying Ottawa's flailing CFL franchise and renaming them- The Ottawa Steelbacks. *shudder*
Anyway, it appears (through his press releases) that he has generously parlayed his successful businessman ways into charity by helping important organizations such as CHEO, the Breast Cancer Society of Ontario and the Special Olympics with charitable ventures.. Charity is a beautiful, self-less thing, isnt it? Isnt it supposed to be?
I have noticed that these charity ventures Frank has produced, seem to be created for Frank's own self-promotion. Ego-inflating reasons, perhaps? I'm not sure. Hungry for more power and respect? probably. He's like the Ern McCracken of Ontario.
To illustrate- for his first round of charity, (Breast Cancer).. He assembled a band (which he cleverly named 'The Steelback 2-4' available to be booked for large parties, btw) and recorded Motown classics, 'My Girl' and 'Stand by me'- (um-- why?).. He paid some unfortunate producer to create a 2 minute promotional video commercial of the band, and mostly himself really, in studio, recording these tracks.. These spots feature Frank belting out these classics tunes with mediocre voicings, but top notch dramatic expression and the rehearsed flair of a more Italian looking Frank Sinatra with immaculate hairplugs. There is a clip of the band performing on a big stage too, with lots of on-lookers, looking on. Tell tale glimpses from the band meant for watching musicians, quietly celebrating a large pay cheque. At the end of the ad, it says you can buy the recorded version on disc for 5.00$ and all proceeds go to the charity. Not a bad way for a millionaire to make himself a rockstar- real quick like. Invent a band. release songs the whole world knows and tell them all the money (a measly 5.00) goes directly to charity.. along the way cash in on a little new fame, and collect a whackload of tax receipts to ofset the cost of the video...
These "video" ads originally aired 3 or 4 times a night during the shows that I would usually watch regularly on T.V. at the time- The Daily Show, and Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Late night, cheap airtime I guess.. I grew to hate his feel good charity-aimed self-stroke. I hated that he had graphics at the beginning and end of the video like a real video, artist: Frank D'Angelo and the Steelback 2-4. song: My Girl. Moreso, I hated the shots of him goofing around in the studio, just spinning and looking so happy to be singing in a studio. No real musician has the inclination to be that gleeful..
Time passed, the videos seemed to fade away and I thought I was in the clear. Wrong.. The next venture, another music video, charity single, of Frank and the band recording/ preforming Trooper's 'Here for a Good Time".. great. Equally unintersting, unacceptable and unoriginal version of the song. This one featured more live shots, with clapping senior citizens. Which led me to believe they were actually hooking up gigs with this scam..
I started to see the old ads again. Then all of a sudden, I saw an ad for 'Steelback'. It featured a dozen or so hockey hall of famers sitting around a locker room talking about the good old days or something.. Someone pipes up, not sounding as stoic or wise as the rest. What a minute!?! That guy in the goalie gear isnt an NHLer... its fucking Frank D'Angelo dressed up like an allstar goalie. He's set up a charity all star hockey game/fantasy hockey camp, where he gets to play nets?!?! And after the game he gets to hang out with his hockey heros and then had them make an ad for his crappy beer. and bloated ego. Fuck..
A few weeks ago, I saw a new "Steelback" commercial. Advertising his new extra-large king cans of beer.. the scene: a busy bar. Camera shows a hot girl waiting at a bar, shifting her cleavage.. she gets the bartenders attention and asks for 'the big one'.. she looks shocked, suprised and excited all at once. The camera cuts to the bartenders tight leather pants.. it pans up and the bartender is Frank! He is more than happy to give her 'the big one'. As he hands her a super sized can of the newest Steelback swill. This is where I realized he is also more than likely getting lots of pussy out all this.
Last but not least. His new scam: Straight Talk w/Frank D'Angelo.. This is a fake 60 second commercial spot where he makes a joke and sells his product in the process. The last one I saw, his fake guest is everyone's favvourite disgraced Canadian sprinter, Ben Johnson. Looking like he has spent the last 2 years binging on meth amphetamine, Ben must've really needed the money. Sitting in the 'host's' chair, Frank says (to the camera): "here on straight talk, we always have straight talk- you know? We talk about what people want to know.. so Ben, I gotta ask you.. when you run, do you Cheetah? (fake gasps from the crowd).. Ben: (pretends to look shocked for 2 seconds, then enthusiastically says:) Yes- I always Cheetah before I sprint!! he lifts a kingcan of Frank's new energy drink 'Cheetah'. wow, what a hilarious play on words. I wonder how bad things have gotten for Ben- cause they must be pretty tough to put up with this fucking asshole on National T.V.. The ad pans out with another shot of Ben, looking even more ashamed than his Olympic hearings. Not only is this ad in bad taste, it reveals the fact that Steelback has started to produce super-sized energy drinks. Targeting youth? GREAT!! I can picture Frank talking to his 'board of directors'. "we gotta get'em younger, boys!"... I wonder if the special energy producing ingredient is a drop of Frank's ballsweat? Or a whiff of his essence of manhood?
When will you have had enough Frank? When will you leave me alone? When will you give me job playing drums in your band- so I can see what really happens behind the 40 foot Steelback banner that flanks you at every show.. I bet its a fucked up scene.
Edit- check out ALL of said T.V. spots and decide for yourself:
steelbackbrewery.com/tvspots.asp
There are a bunch more than the ones I've seen, but I'm sure they are all obnoxious in some way.
posted by Jay at Wednesday, August 02, 2006
3 Comments:
Frank De-Jerkoff-angelo
should be in jail
Fukk'n dirt bag rapist!
Franks a fucking legend. A true hero this country needs.
Frank is a true Canadian hero. This man can act, sing, make sick glove saves against NHL hall of famers. Its a crying shame all of his business venture never end in success. Someone needs to make this guy mayor, thats all I'm sayin.
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