weird flirting
I went to the 24 hour Shopper's Drug Mart at around 11:45pm last night to pick up some crap and peruse some humanity for a few minutes before bed. I had a few items on my list to pick up: tweezers, toothpaste and a paperback copy of the latest Harry Potter book, The Half-Blood Prince. Which was 25% off, sweet! I grabbed the stuff I needed and got in the 2 person line.
The 40-something checkout lady was wearing her Shopper's chemise, tucked into some store issued, maxed-out, blue polyester slacks. She wasnt that big, but the tight wasteband on her pants gave her that weird, stretched material, crotch-belly thing, like a dangling front saddle, filled with rotten intestines and veracose veins.(sorry). The baggy shirt accentuated it, as well as her oddly narrow breasts. She had that gross smokey blue eyeshadow on, coupled with chunky mascara skid marks on her lashes. Her greying, black hair was tied back too tightly and she had some pinkish lipstick coloring her chappy lips. Despite all this she was smiling and her eyes seemed kind, if not a little desperate. Her face had a coating of that waxy stuff that some women wear.
As I neared my turn I heard her say to the person in front of me.. 'So,I move here to be close to work and they transfer me to Hunt Club starting next week, gimme a break,eh?!!'.. the person walked out without looking back. It was obvious she was lonely, so I smiled at her as I pushed my items towards her.. She looked at me and said: "It's so funny- I bought a shredder yesterday; and with my discount, it came to like twelve bucks!".. I nodded, not understanding, watching as she scanned my stuff.
"So, thats like 75% off.. ", she said, clarifying; I nodded again.."what a great benefit, eh?", she said looking at me, watching my reaction. Too nice to resist, I asked: "What kind of shredder?", I was picturing some kind of Ron Popeil lettuce chopping device.
She said: "Industrial strength home shredder. You know, for papers, documents, CDs, data discs..."
Smirking on the inside, I said: "You have a lot of items that need shredding?"
She said: "Yes, I'm in investments".
I offered my credit card and kind of gave her another nod; of approval, I guess. Investments are good! Good work lady! Shred those unsightly documents and the dirty little facts they hold! I wondered what they might reveal... that she works the late shift at a drug store!?! I pictured her putting on her makeup in her oversized cat t-shirt and hair curlers; elongated burning cigarette tip sagging to the floor, not unlike her poorly concealed eye-jowels; shredding last week's issue of 'Penny Saver'.
She ran the card through and said; "You dont get to meet a lot of downtown types in this job, but its always a pleasure".. I was now beginning to get the idea. My odour at this hour is questionable, I have a 3 week old patchy beard, I'm wearing dirty shorts, sandals, a white tshirt and a phish hat. Did she assume I was a 'downtown type', because I had 2 credit cards in my wallet? Or because I was actually speaking with her? She is lonely, and horny.
Finally, she hands over my receipt to sign- I do it quicky. Noticing in the process that I didnt get the 25% off for my Harry Potter book. I thought about letting it go for a second, but that's almost five bucks. So I said: "excuse me, but I didn't get the discount.. (There was a massive sticker on the book).
She says, "hmmm, funny, normally it's in the system already..", as though she was ready for this. She pulled out her pad and said 'Here, put your name, number and address on here'.. i filled it out falsely, 'Jacky Johnson, 144 Carling, Apt20. 737-1111'. The line is getting bigger behind me, as she pages her boss. 'You're sure this sticker was on all the books?" she asks.. Is she accusing me of fraud. yes. i think she is. Maybe she noticed my credit cards didn't say 'Jacky Johnson', so I guess I'd set a precedent as a liar.
Her boss, who looked like Philip Seymour Hoffman's character in
'Happiness', comes up and examines the book endlessly for the price. She thinks that maybe the 25% is off the American price, which neither of them can find.. I had to offer the suggestion that having a sticker showing '25% OFF!' shouldn't be a reduction of the price value of another country.. as they figured out how to refund the 4.50, I started to wonder about how bad things have gotten for this lady.. I mean, would someone potentially be impressed by the fact that she might have something that she deems shred-worthy? or by her drug store discount? Is she the kind of lady that can follow up that ice breaker with a peek at her financial portfolio, or some kind of trader talk? Maybe she was just going for it, since she's moving out to Hunt Club anyway. As my card was refunded, I walked out of the drugstore and she called to me.. 'thanks, eh, don't be a stranger'
Too late, lady!
The 40-something checkout lady was wearing her Shopper's chemise, tucked into some store issued, maxed-out, blue polyester slacks. She wasnt that big, but the tight wasteband on her pants gave her that weird, stretched material, crotch-belly thing, like a dangling front saddle, filled with rotten intestines and veracose veins.(sorry). The baggy shirt accentuated it, as well as her oddly narrow breasts. She had that gross smokey blue eyeshadow on, coupled with chunky mascara skid marks on her lashes. Her greying, black hair was tied back too tightly and she had some pinkish lipstick coloring her chappy lips. Despite all this she was smiling and her eyes seemed kind, if not a little desperate. Her face had a coating of that waxy stuff that some women wear.
As I neared my turn I heard her say to the person in front of me.. 'So,I move here to be close to work and they transfer me to Hunt Club starting next week, gimme a break,eh?!!'.. the person walked out without looking back. It was obvious she was lonely, so I smiled at her as I pushed my items towards her.. She looked at me and said: "It's so funny- I bought a shredder yesterday; and with my discount, it came to like twelve bucks!".. I nodded, not understanding, watching as she scanned my stuff.
"So, thats like 75% off.. ", she said, clarifying; I nodded again.."what a great benefit, eh?", she said looking at me, watching my reaction. Too nice to resist, I asked: "What kind of shredder?", I was picturing some kind of Ron Popeil lettuce chopping device.
She said: "Industrial strength home shredder. You know, for papers, documents, CDs, data discs..."
Smirking on the inside, I said: "You have a lot of items that need shredding?"
She said: "Yes, I'm in investments".
I offered my credit card and kind of gave her another nod; of approval, I guess. Investments are good! Good work lady! Shred those unsightly documents and the dirty little facts they hold! I wondered what they might reveal... that she works the late shift at a drug store!?! I pictured her putting on her makeup in her oversized cat t-shirt and hair curlers; elongated burning cigarette tip sagging to the floor, not unlike her poorly concealed eye-jowels; shredding last week's issue of 'Penny Saver'.
She ran the card through and said; "You dont get to meet a lot of downtown types in this job, but its always a pleasure".. I was now beginning to get the idea. My odour at this hour is questionable, I have a 3 week old patchy beard, I'm wearing dirty shorts, sandals, a white tshirt and a phish hat. Did she assume I was a 'downtown type', because I had 2 credit cards in my wallet? Or because I was actually speaking with her? She is lonely, and horny.
Finally, she hands over my receipt to sign- I do it quicky. Noticing in the process that I didnt get the 25% off for my Harry Potter book. I thought about letting it go for a second, but that's almost five bucks. So I said: "excuse me, but I didn't get the discount.. (There was a massive sticker on the book).
She says, "hmmm, funny, normally it's in the system already..", as though she was ready for this. She pulled out her pad and said 'Here, put your name, number and address on here'.. i filled it out falsely, 'Jacky Johnson, 144 Carling, Apt20. 737-1111'. The line is getting bigger behind me, as she pages her boss. 'You're sure this sticker was on all the books?" she asks.. Is she accusing me of fraud. yes. i think she is. Maybe she noticed my credit cards didn't say 'Jacky Johnson', so I guess I'd set a precedent as a liar.
Her boss, who looked like Philip Seymour Hoffman's character in
'Happiness', comes up and examines the book endlessly for the price. She thinks that maybe the 25% is off the American price, which neither of them can find.. I had to offer the suggestion that having a sticker showing '25% OFF!' shouldn't be a reduction of the price value of another country.. as they figured out how to refund the 4.50, I started to wonder about how bad things have gotten for this lady.. I mean, would someone potentially be impressed by the fact that she might have something that she deems shred-worthy? or by her drug store discount? Is she the kind of lady that can follow up that ice breaker with a peek at her financial portfolio, or some kind of trader talk? Maybe she was just going for it, since she's moving out to Hunt Club anyway. As my card was refunded, I walked out of the drugstore and she called to me.. 'thanks, eh, don't be a stranger'
Too late, lady!
posted by Jay at Thursday, August 17, 2006
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